# Wednesday, 09 December 2009

Subject: FW: Plugged Up?

Constipation?
If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:
My present and future financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of...
- Barack Obama
- Joe Biden
- Harry Reid
- Nancy Pelosi
- Time Geitner
- Rahm Emmanuel
- Chris Dodd
- Barney Frank

If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.  There is no need to thank me for this advice; I'm just doing it as a public service.

biden | pelosi | picture | rahm emmanuel | reid | geithner | dodd | frank
Wednesday, 09 December 2009 07:54:30 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
# Thursday, 12 November 2009

Subject: FW: Heisman Trophy Winner Announced

By John Jones

ASSOCIATED PRESS, Washington, D.C. 

 – President Barak Obama has won the Heisman Trophy. 

 Despite the fact that he never played college football, Obama was selected by a group of the nation’s most elite sport writers for his incredible, intended achievement.  In claiming the coveted athletic prize, President Obama said, “I always WANTED to play college football and when I saw myself on the field, I was always in the process of making the most amazing catch as the sport’s best wide receiver so I am honored that the committee has chosen me.” 

 Despite the fact that Obama has been out of college for well over 25 years, the Heisman votes were given to him by the committee because, “Well, we just really like him and even though he smokes, He just seems like a really amazing guy.”  While the other Heisman candidates were stunned, they did agree that the President’s desire to play ball really overshadowed any real accomplishments they had actually made on the nation’s gridirons.

In addition to the fact that President Obama never really played football ever, this award was doubly amazing in that the Heisman Trophy is not usually awarded until much later in the football season.  “It doesn’t really matter,” said Bob Smith fromSports Illustrated.  “When the season begins and ends is really irrelevant to the award.”

Rahm Emmanuel, with tears in his eyes, said, “This means so much to my boss.  I can’t thank those enough for the votes they cast. I will be sure to use this in all our upcoming campaigns.  You have truly given me something to work with and I am so grateful.”

Michelle Obama could not be reached for comment.

 

Thursday, 12 November 2009 22:12:05 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  |