# Wednesday, 09 December 2009

Subject: FW: Plugged Up?

Constipation?
If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:
My present and future financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of...
- Barack Obama
- Joe Biden
- Harry Reid
- Nancy Pelosi
- Time Geitner
- Rahm Emmanuel
- Chris Dodd
- Barney Frank

If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.  There is no need to thank me for this advice; I'm just doing it as a public service.

biden | pelosi | picture | rahm emmanuel | reid | geithner | dodd | frank
Wednesday, 09 December 2009 07:54:30 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 

Subject: FW: Quotes

These two quotes were MEANT to be side-by-side.

"My friends: We live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me, as we try to change it."
- Barack Obama

"Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid!"
- John Wayne

Wednesday, 09 December 2009 07:46:05 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
# Tuesday, 08 December 2009

Subject: FW: Three New Navy Ships

USS REAGAN
Seeing it next to the Arizona Memorial really puts its size into perspective... ENORMOUS!

When the Bridge pipes ' Man the Rail' there is a lot of rail to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 4.5 acres. Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement.

Capability
Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors that can operate for more than 20 years without refueling

1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years
2. Carries over 80 combat aircraft
3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28-ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour in less than 400 feet

Size
1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline
2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is tall
3. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres
4. 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200 pounds
5. 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons
6. 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 square feet

Capacity
1. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel
2. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days
3. 18,150 meals served daily
4. Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water from sea water daily, enough for 2,000 homes esmes
5. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring 1,400 telephones
6. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets

USS BILL CLINTON
The USS William Jefferson Clinton (CVS1) set sail today from its home port of Vancouver , BC

The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy and is a standing legacy to President Bill Clinton 'for his foresight in military budget cuts' and his conduct while holding the (formerly dignified) office of President.

The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminum and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots. It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which, although they cannot be launched on the 100 foot flight deck, form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board.

This crew, like the crew aboard the USS Jimmy Carter, is specially trained to avoid conflicts and appease any and all enemies of the United States at all costs.

An onboard Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology in any language to anyone who may find America offensive. The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

In times of conflict, the USS Clinton has orders to seek refuge in Canada.


USS BARACK OBAMA
Details are as vague.
But don't you worry..........he has a plan

Tuesday, 08 December 2009 06:52:56 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 

Subject: FW: Crisis of Culture

This should be blasted across all the airwaves, and nationwide TV.  Forward this to everyone you know and to your Congress representatives.

 

Starner Jones, MD

I am a seventh generation Mississippian

and wanted to come back here after going somewhere else for college and medical school. My extracurricular interests are golf, hunting, fishing and college football.

This should be on the front page of every newspaper in  America —in large bold letters.

This was a "letter to the editor" in August 29th,  Jackson , MS newspaper.

Dear Sirs:
"During my last night's shift in the ER, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient with a shiny new gold tooth, multiple elaborate tattoos, a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and a new cellular telephone equipped with her favorite R&B tune for a ringtone.

Glancing over the chart, one could not help noticing her payer status: Medicaid.

She smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and, somehow, still has money to buy beer.

And our Congress expects me to pay for this woman's health care?

Our nation's health care crisis is not a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. It is a crisis of  culture — a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on vices while refusing to take care of one's self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance.

A culture that thinks "I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me".

Life is really not that hard. Most of us reap what we sow. Don't you agree?

 DR. STARNER JONES, MD

Jackson,  MS

Tuesday, 08 December 2009 06:47:15 (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  |