# Thursday, January 13, 2011

Subject: FW:  Here's one idea.........Quite Appropriate..


Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency

Washington, DC

 Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of March 1, 2011.

The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.

It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai India , will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY . Thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India , he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.

"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.

"Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime.

A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.



Thursday, January 13, 2011 9:11:21 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
# Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Subject: FW: Maxine

Forced Healthcare - Short 'n sweet . . . . . .

Let me get this straight. We're going to be "gifted" with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don't,

written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it,  passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it,

to be signed by a president who happens to smoke,

with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese,

and financed by a country that's broke

What the hell could possibly go wrong?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011 9:06:39 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
# Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Subject: FW: "Bags fly free"!



Photoshop has a website that conducts weekly contests on a theme that they select.  

This week the theme was to build a picture that says

"Goodbye to Nancy Pelosi".  

The winning entry follows for you to share with friends:

Au Revoir
Auf Wedersehen
Dos Svidanja

Please help me pay for a private jet!
Give me your change

Tuesday, January 11, 2011 9:04:18 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  | 
# Monday, January 10, 2011

Subject: FW: Jeff just has a way with words

This is straight forward country thinking................................... 

Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims : 

1.    You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. 
You may be a Muslim 
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.  
     You may be a Muslim 
3. You have more wives than teeth.  
     You may be a Muslim 
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.  
     You may be a Muslim 
5. You think vests come in two styles : bullet-proof and suicide.   
     You may be a Muslim 
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. 
     You may be a Muslim 
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.   
     You may be a Muslim 
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.  
     You may be a Muslim 
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.   
     You may be a Muslim 
10. Your cousin is president of the United States .  
       You may be a Muslim 
11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it. 
      You may be a Muslim

Monday, January 10, 2011 8:16:05 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00)  #    Disclaimer  |  Comments [0]  |